This is for the best
by myyysharona
Summary: From a tumblr post...Holly agrees to go with Gail to a gala...I'm so sorry. Now with a happy ending. Sorta.
1. Chapter 1

A/N...saw this post from weedyart on Tumblr about Gail and Holly and how Holly walks out of her life for good, couldn't get it out of my head.

I'm really sorry.

Also, I'm not very good with dialogue or words. So, I'm sorry for that too.

Edit: I tried linking to the original Tumblr post, but technology and I don't always get along...so here it is:

- While processing what Gail has told her about her plans to adopt Sophie, Holly still agrees to go to the gala/ball thing with Gail.

- Gail goes to pick up Holly from her house and they end up confessing their love for each other. It's all very emotional and touching, but they decide that they can't be together - It's all too much.

- Incredibly sad, Gail still attends the gala (free booze) and ends up sitting at the bar alone, eyeing the cloakroom as people come in and out. She is tapped on the shoulder and is asked to dance. It's Holly dressed in some beautiful dress. They slow dance in silence and it eventually turns into them just hugging in the middle of the dance floor. Holly tells Gail "Plus One Forever," then leaves. For good.

* * *

"Wow. Okay, you've really thought about this. And this is something you're absolutely going to do?" Gail wasn't sure how Holly would react. So far, it didn't look promising.

"Yeah. Holly, she really is amazing. And I really care about her." She had changed a lot in the last few months. Staying through to the end of this difficult conversation was evidence of that. "The process is already starting and I really want this. I've started looking at apartments and homes, school districts. Heck, I'm even eyeing the next rotation for detective applications." Even though Holly wasn't saying much, she could see that the doctor was struggling with something internally.

"I'm really happy for you. Truly, I am. You would make an amazing mom, Sophie is one lucky girl…"

"But?"

"But. I'm going to need to think about this. It's a lot to process quickly, and you've had a few weeks compared to the ten minutes I've had so far." That came out more harshly than it should have. "What I mean is. This is a huge life decision one that you obviously haven't come to lightly. And we're still…we're still figuring ourselves out. Not that we can't figure it out while you…us?...we?...go through the adoption process. Thank you for telling me though." As she said this, Holly stood up and slipped on her coat. Just before she walked away from the table, she placed her hand over Gail's and looked her in the eyes, "It really means a lot to me that you're talking about things now." With that she walked out of the café where they met for coffee so Gail could tell her this "something important."

Gail didn't know what to think. Holly just needed some time, some space to think. At least that's what Gail was hoping. The blonde sat there finishing her drink for a few minutes before she got up to leave and checked her phone on the way out. Lost in her thoughts, she hadn't even heard the device chirp and found she had a message waiting for her.

- I'll still go with you to the police gala tomorrow night. Pick me up? 6:30?

She let out the breath that she had been holding, that had to be a good thing. Holly wasn't bailing and had still agreed to go as her plus one. All Gail had to do was wait. That's all, what was that saying? Patience is a virtue. One which she was still learning. The blonde quickly sent back a message in the affirmative, at least she wasn't working tomorrow and the bar near her place was open late. It was small, but the drinks were good and the price was right. She could always count on going there when she needed to be alone with her thoughts, no one ever bothered her, there was almost zero chance of running in to someone she knew, and the bartender was pretty cute too.

"Hey, Lisa. I'll take whatever red you got on tap." She might have been cute, but her name was unfortunate. She settled in ready to spend the next several hours there, she was making an effort to cut back on her alcohol intake and Lisa respected that, leaving her alone as she nursed a beer for an hour.

"Here you go blondie. You look like you could use an ear or a friend about now. I got some time, those guys are good for at least a half hour." She nodded her direction towards the corner where some older gentlemen sat playing a game of cribbage before she leaned in and lowered her voice, "Me, I don't know why they don't play poker or something. But they seem to have a good time."

"I don't know. Maybe they're trying to avoid the cliché," Lisa could always get her to smile. "Ah, it's just you know. Life, finally acting like a grown-up, and romance. I just need to mull this over a glass of beer from this fine establishment." Maybe they were always friendly, or Gail was finally starting to notice how comfortable she was around the barkeep. Either that or it was just that she had that barkeep magic where before you knew it, you were spilling out your soul to this stranger over a beer. She lifted her drink, tipped it to the woman as if in a toast and took a long pull. Lisa understood, it wasn't the first time Gail had walked in not wanting to talk.

One or two more people came and went in the two hours Gail was there, so she and Lisa were mostly alone with the classic rock tracks playing over the speaker and the clinking of glasses from behind the bar. There was some conversation but not much. Before Gail left, she opened up a little to the barkeep about what had transpired between her and her nerd. The woman didn't have much to say, even joking about betraying the laws of bartending in not having some sage advice for her but was able to leave Gail feeling a little better than when she had walked in. In those moments, it didn't matter what words were said but rather the knowledge that she had someone outside of her circle to go to and who had no preconceived notions of her as a mega-bitch.

Tomorrow night arrived way too soon. While putting on her makeup, Gail had to take some deep breaths to help stop her hands from shaking she was so nervous about picking up Holly. At 6:00 exactly, she texted Holly to let her know she was on her way to her house. At 6:24, she parked in front of Holly's house. In those 24 minutes, only one thought was on her mind. Her feelings towards Holly and if she should let her know. At 6:28 she got out, walked up the steps to Holly's front door, and rang the doorbell. She was not expecting what happened next.

Holly opened the door slowly to reveal that she was still in her house-pants, with a loose hoodie on, her hair looking like it was maybe done and no make-up. She could barely look Gail in the eye. "Come in….do you want a glass of water?" She mechanically walked in, shutting the door behind her and sat down at the kitchen island.

"Wha? Holly, you're not even close to ready. I can't be late and I won't arrive alone."

"I know. And I've been doing some thinking," she said as she sat down across from her former…current…girlfriend she placed a glass of water in front of the blonde and clasped one in between her two hands grateful to have something to keep her nervous hands busy. At least Gail hadn't walked out on her yet.

"Um. Me too. What about?" They both knew what it was about. But neither wanted to admit it. The silence in that moment felt like it had stretched for years before Holly cleared her throat, took a gulp of water, and started.

"Us. Sophie."

"And?"

"And, nothing Gail. You surprised me with that news yesterday. I don't know where we're supposed to go now. I, well, you know I." Why was this so hard to get out. Another sip of water was in order, if only to buy her time. "You're the most wonderful person I've ever met. You've got this huge heart that you try to protect with a brash demeanor but we all inevitably find our way in. Even Chloe. That's what makes you a great police officer. You have this capacity to care about the weak, those in need, everyone. You're funny, witty, sarcastic, loyal." The blush and smile that was creeping on to the blonde's face was enough to keep her going and let her get it all out. "Never in my life have I met anyone like you. Not in my years at summer camp, college, med school, or even the morgue. And have you met some of the people that choose to spend time with stiffs? No one has made me feel as loved or as cared for as you. At the same time, no one has made me feel so devastated and absolutely crushed as you." The tears were starting to form in her eyes and she had to pause before continuing. But Gail, being the caring person she was, simply reached across and gave her hand a squeeze. "I love you so much. I just, I wanted you to know that." When she looked up, there were tears in the other woman's eyes. "I didn't mean to make you cry, your make-up. You didn't stop my rambling."

Gail gave a short laugh, "It's okay. I can always fix it. I just wanted to finally see how you stopped yourself. I love you too. You know that, right? I love you absolutely." Gail briefly dropped her eyes to the countertop, "however, I get the sense that you're not done yet. I feel a 'but' coming on here."

Holly gave a low chuckle. How did she find this one? With a long sigh she nodded and continued, "But. That's just it. We love so completely and so fiercely, it's…gahh…it's just too much. Look at us. We'll destroy each other. We already have, once. I can't put a little girl through that. You, my dear. Will be amazing. But I can't be a part of your life anymore."

This was not what Gail was expecting. They love each other, without a shadow of a doubt. They were two badass women who wouldn't take crap from anyone. They were perfect for the other. But at the same time, Gail knew she was right. Knew that's what the barkeep was skirting around in her cautious reply. Gail got up, walked around to stand in front of Holly and gave her a long, lingering kiss on the lips. When their lips finally parted, with arms around eachother's necks and foreheads touching she whispered, "I know. You're right. We love each other too much, lose ourselves so completely, and that. That is a recipe for self-destruction. Please don't think that this is over, I'll fight for you. I'm a fighter."

"Gail…." But she was cut off from the blonde's lips on hers again.

"I know. I just had to say that. I'll miss you. You're a hard act to follow." With that, she slowly made her way to the door, turned around for one last smile, and let herself out. This was going to be one hell of a night and she was arriving alone.

Once she arrived at the gala, she quickly fixed her make-up thankful that talk didn't turn in to a full-on sob fest so her eyes weren't too puffy, maybe a little red-rimmed, but an open bar could help with that. Her friends were already there mingling and dancing, but sensed that she wasn't in the mood for it that night and, unwilling to face the wrath of Gail left her alone. She planted herself at the bar, sipping slowly on some of the best whisky she'd ever had with a perfect view of the coatroom. It was enough make her seriously consider leaving before seeing Elaine Peck and facing the lecture later. But she dutifully stayed and even sat through a meal watching people kiss-ass without so much as a wayward comment. That was how much she was reflecting on the best relationship she'd ever had, the one that ended not two hours prior. By the time the dancing started, she'd had a buzz going for quite a while and was going back and forth between openly staring at the people going in and out of the coat room and turning down her friend's requests at dancing. Just when a slow song came on, she felt a hand lightly graze her shoulder blade and end with a tap on her shoulder, followed by a painfully familiar voice whisper in her ear, "One final dance?"

As she turned around and shining blue eyes met open brown ones, all she could do was nod and follow the stunning brunette out to the middle of the dance floor. They held each other tight, heads resting lightly on the other's shoulder, as they swayed back and forth to the music. At some point, they didn't know when, they stopped moving and were simply hugging each other knowing that at some point it would all be over. When the song came to it's inevitable end, the taller woman lifted her head and kissed the shorter on top of her head. With a whispered, "I'll always love you," she made to leave but before she could pull away, the blonde gave her a fleeting kiss on the lips and responded with, "You'll always be the most wonderful person I'll ever love."

Not wanting to make a scene, they walked off together hand-in-hand. Gail remained by Holly's side until she got her coat from coat check girl and with tears in both of their eyes Holly cupped Gail's face, ran her thumb down her jawline and simply said, "Plus One Forever," before showing off her signature lop-sided smile and walked out of the blonde's life. Both knowing deep down, that this time, it was for good.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Fixed it. I wasn't initially going to write a follow-up, but here it is. It's taken me a few weeks to decide where to go with this one, but I hope you guys enjoy.

_True lovers always end up lonely  
Cause they know how good it could be_

- "The Way You Laugh" by Dawes_._

* * *

It had been years since Gail had spoken with Holly. Sure they'd seen each other since that heartbreaking night at the gala, but always in a professional capacity and never for longer than strictly necessary. But since Holly had gotten her last promotion and was no longer in the labs as much, they really only saw each other from a distance and never for more than a few, fleeting moments. She had kept up with the increasingly impressive brunette for a little while, heard about the national award she received, the case she broke which led to the arrest of a horrific serial killer, the grants she won for the forensics lab, and most recently her promotion to Chief Medical Examiner. But by no means did the blonde know everything about her, only what she saw on bulletins or in newspapers.

Nor did she try to contact her to offer her congratulations as much as she wanted to. That night when she had told the nerd that she would always love her, she wasn't lying. There were other times when the blonde had wanted to reach out to Holly. When her adoption of Sophie didn't go through, when her next one succeeded, the day she got promoted to detective. But through all of that, she had never really settled in to a relationship despite her friends' and her mother's attempts at setting her up with people. Which is partly how she ended up on the speed-dating circuit. They had worn her down until she finally agreed, even getting her kids involved - well not kids anymore, they were both in college now, one even in med-school - and encouraging her to "put herself out there" as they put it. They had actually found a deal to attend three events for the price of two, "Who does that?" was her first reaction.

"Well, Riley found it online. And it looks reputable. Honestly Gail, we wouldn't send you to some place where all you'd find was creepers and seniors." She arched her eyebrow at Riley and focused on Katrina.

"Thanks for selling me out brother. What happened to 'we're in this together?' But seriously Gail, we paid for it already so you have to go. They meet every week..."

"Go on. When does it start? And I already told you guys, I'm fine. I'm happy."

"Well...it starts tomorrow. And remember to smile, just give it a chance. You always say you're happy, but we see the way you look at couples and since you are now an empty nester and don't have us to worry about, you should do something for you." Katrina was always looking out for others, especially her brother. Those couple of years in the foster care system away from her younger brother were awful, and the prospect of one of them getting adopted but the other staying in the system only terrified them. Then along came Gail, who fought for them to be adopted together and she knew that they would be okay. 15 years later and Katrina couldn't have hoped for a better family.

"When did you become so smart? You know, I'll always worry about you two. Wait. Are you taking some psych classes or something?" Katrina only laughed as Gail narrowed her eyes at her in suspicion.

"Nope, not yet. Just try it. The worst that could happen is you waste a few Friday nights. Besides, they have food and you get one free drink."

"Fine. Fine. You know I can't say no to you guys. I'll give it a shot. But seriously? Speed dating? Riley, I expected better from you. I thought you were my wingman."

"I...what? You know how Kat gets when she sets her mind to something. Besides, maybe it is a good idea. At the very least you'll meet some interesting...ahh...people."

"Hold on. Why do you guys..." Just then the doorbell rang and Riley took the opportunity to get out of the conversation for a brief moment to get the pizza they had ordered for their weekly movie night.

"...so we found one that offered both." Yep, it was exactly where he thought the conversation was going. And then he figured they would be lucky if they got to the movie later the way this was going.

"So basically, I'm going to meet everyone there tomorrow night? How does that work?" Gail couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her kids had set her up with three nights of speed dating, one with women, one with men, and one with both. Tomorrow night was the one with men and women. She really was happy with where her life was right now, but would do this for them. Riley was right, they never did get to the movie and much to his chagrin they talked instead about past relationships, the two women often teasing him and his past girlfriends. Despite their prodding and curiosity, Riley and Katrina could never get Gail to talk about that mysterious woman who had broken her heart all those years ago.

* * *

"Okay, how does this look?"

Katrina sighed loudly before looking up from her studies to reassure Gail, "I've told you before whatever you want to wear as long as it's not casual is fine." She waited for who she thought of as her second mom to show her what she was wearing. "You look...that's perfect." Gail stepped out in tight, dark blue jeans, with a fitted royal blue shirt and black blouse, and a simple pair of black heels. Her long hair braided and wrapped around her head and she had on her signature red lipstick.

"Are you sure? I don't know about this, is it too much? Are you sure you don't want to watch a movie instead?" The blonde asked knowing that she would still go speed dating. This elicited a huff and Kat excitedly jumped up to join Gail next to the mirror and give her a pep talk before shooing her out the door, but as per usual Gail got in the last word. "There better not be any weirdo stalkery types at this thing. Tell Riley I'll be back before midnight. And Kat, try to remember to eat between your studying."

Gail couldn't believe she was sitting there meeting 20 people for four minutes at a clip. At least there was a break where she could grab some of the finger foods and drinks. That one drink was not enough. There were some sleaze balls, some egomaniacs, and some very obvious liars. Though there were some nice people there she didn't mark off any as wanting to meet again and a result went home empty handed. As much as she would hate to admit it, Gail had started to relax and enjoy herself a little bit once she discovered that some of them had adult children as well and that the people there were in an acceptable age range for her. Katrina and Riley had chosen wisely, but she was still not looking forward to the next two weeks. Gail had figured that she would never feel a love as pure and intense as the one she let go and accepted that she would live out her life without ever finding someone else for her.

So when she returned home with no numbers that night and saw the little bit of disappointment on her kids' faces she vowed to try harder next time. The following week she was once again fretting over an outfit, with those pesky nervous jitters at meeting 20 women in rapid succession and Kat by her side encouraging her to open up. "Okay, okay. I'll give them a chance."

"Yesss. We fully expect you to bring home at least one person's number." Riley had stopped by and added, "And one date with that person afterwards."

"Fine, fine. I'll give you guys the full report tomorrow."

Gail arrived and it was set up much like it was last time with 10 small round tables in two neat rows and nametags at the check-in desk. The first ten minutes were to get settled and to get to know some of the people before diving into the speed dating. She didn't really see the point of socializing when she was just going to meet everyone within the span of two hours so after getting her drink and a small snack she made her way to her first table willing the evening to pass quickly. The first few ladies were nice, but there was no spark so instead made notes about who she would not mind spending more time with to appease the two matchmakers at home. Gail was just finishing up her notes, really mindlessly doodling, when she heard her name uttered in surprise, in a voice she never thought she would hear again. She froze, closed her eyes, took some breaths and told herself it wasn't who she thought it was. It couldn't be. Then she heard it again. "Gail? I, you, what are you doing here?" She opened her eyes and raised her head to see that, it was indeed who she thought it was.

She took a moment to collect herself before she smirked and answered, "I'm speed dating. What else would I be doing here nerd?"

"I don't know. This just doesn't seem like something you would do." The brunette across from her was getting flustered and just like always with this gem of a person, Gail smiled and opened up to her.

"It's not. My kids got me some of deal and kind of ambushed me with it for the previous meeting. I'm partly convinced that my friends put them up to it though. I have one more week to go after this. What about you? What are you doing here?" Just as she expected, Holly didn't even look surprised at the news that Gail had children, plural. She always suspected that Traci or Chloe or someone had kept Holly up to date in the life and times of Gail Peck.

"I had heard you adopted siblings. I'm sorry about everything." Gail just waved off her apology with a mumbled, "That was a lifetime ago," and motioned for the doctor to continue. "Friends, too. I never really found anyone that could make me feel the way you did. There was always something missing, my friends were always trying to set me up. Still are, that's why I'm here. They're convinced that I'm lonely and that I focus too much on work." As she said this, Gail took the time to really look at Holly. She was still gorgeous with amazing style, but there was something else. A longing, a sadness lingering behind the twinkle in those eyes. And that's when Gail knew. Neither of them had really been able to move on, to let themselves so completely love another, they each carried with them a piece of the other. *ding* The bell rang signaling time was running out.

"We have thirty seconds left. Do you want to, maybe, meet up for coffee sometime? It's been awhile." Gail figured that if nothing else she could tell the homefront that she got a number and planned to meet up with her. Holly's eyes took on a hopeful look, "Yeah, I'd like that. Sometime next week?" The gong sounded and an overly enthusiastic woman came on the microphone to move them along. Holly scribbled her number on a napkin and gave it to Gail, giving her hand a slight squeeze.

The rest of the event passed quickly as Gail's thoughts were distracted and she kept replaying her conversation with the doctor wondering if she was doing the right thing. Before leaving, Gail sent off a quick text to the brunette for confirmation of her number though she didn't have to seeing as it was still in her phone and the number hadn't changed.

The next week proved to be a busy one for crime and Gail got caught up with some cases and had to push back coffee to the following week, assuring the good doctor that she wasn't bailing on her. But Holly had already heard about what was happening, as it was affecting her office as well. She'd had a hard time telling her kids that it was just someone with whom she had hit it off, refusing to tell them Holly's name knowing that it would get back to everyone at 15. But still she felt like she was lying to them not wanting to hear about the Holly situation again from the grapevine. Her full report turned out to be anything but that. The next "date night" went much like the rest, coming and going without putting anyone's name down on her list of people she'd like to meet again. Riley and Kat were still not convinced that Gail was trying but they let her off since she did have a coffee date with this mystery person. All they really knew was that the woman was a doctor, never married, no kids, possible workaholic, and charming enough to get the attention of their Gail who seemed to have had a spark lit within her.

"Gail! Today's the day. You ready?" Riley called up from the kitchen where the family calendar hung and in big letters the words "doctor date" were scrawled across today's date.

"What? Yeah, we're meeting up after work." Gail came down the stairs in her normal work attire these days, a pair of slacks, sensible flats, button up and trench coat.

"Where at?"

"Uh uh. No, I'm not telling you so you can just so happen to be in the area and in the mood for coffee. Besides, don't you have class today?"

"Eh, I can pass this class without even attending the lectures. At least tell me her name."

"Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. And no, not yet. Maybe after we meet today, no sense in getting too attached at this point." Gail picked up her keys to leave when she was stopped by Riley.

"You're not going to change after work? You're just going to wear," he motioned up and down with his hand, "that?"

Exasperated, Gail turned around, "What's wrong with this? We're just meeting up for coffee. Not a date, despite what it may say on the calendar."

"Yes, but still. At least wear something other than a button up, show some effort." He stood in kitchen tapping his finger on his chin in deep thought. "Ah! I got it. How about that nice red shirt with the grey and white striped sweater over it? Not too casual, not too formal."

"Since when did you become a fashion expert?"

"Um, since I had to watch all of those TV shows with you and Kat. Looks like you didn't learn anything from them." He was smiling, finding this whole thing amusing.

"Uh huh. And if I go pack my 'nice red shirt and the grey and white striped sweater' will you let me go in peace?"

"I guess."

"And will you go to class?" Gail narrowed her eyes, but there was still a playful twinkle in them.

"You drive a hard bargain. But for you, I will. Just please, actually give us the full report this time instead of the meager information that you unwillingly provided us last time. Which, we still don't understand that. In the past you've been pretty open about it. But. But. We respect your privacy. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get ready for class." He disappeared to his room, leaving a guilty Gail to get the aforementioned clothing items. Now she really felt like she had to tell them tonight. She vowed to herself that she would.

The day went by unbearably slow. After the excitement of the previous week, it had slowed down considerably so she was catching up on some paperwork obsessively checking the time. At 5:30 she texted Holly to make sure she wasn't caught up with anything and she was at the coffee shop fifteen minutes later in the red shirt and grey and white striped sweater. She had to admit that it did look better than her work outfit. The blonde was nervous, her mouth was dry and she could feel her palms start to sweat. She had to take some calming breaths before opening the door and when she walked in, she scanned the room and found who she was looking for. Holly was already there with two cups of coffee in front of her, fiddling with her napkin and looking out the window. She looked amazing with her long hair down, in a dark green sweater that clung to her in all the right places, and her thick, black glasses were, as ever, perched on her head.

Gail made her way over there, Holly saw her as she was coming up to the table and stood up. They shared an awkward hug, neither of them really initiating nor rejecting it before sitting down. Soft brown eyes met light blue eyes and with a single word Gail got them started. "Hey."

* * *

A/N: Also, in my head I have a sort of backstory for Katrina and Riley which explains why they call her Gail and not Mom...but I'm not going to get in to that. This is where I plan on leaving it.


End file.
